If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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