I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
