My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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