Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
