toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
