dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
