Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
