Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
