Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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