3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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