Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
