i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
