I cannot find my penis.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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