Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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