I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
