i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
