I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
