My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
