I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
