In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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