chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
