Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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