booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
