did you get engaged???
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
