Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
