Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
smell my finger.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize