I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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