Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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