Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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