why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
