I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize