he wants to bone in the snuggie
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
