R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
