his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
