Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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