I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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