ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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