Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
