Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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