On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
