Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
