that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
