so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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