I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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