Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
