I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
