How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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