i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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