Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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