i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
