I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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