Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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