I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
