fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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