If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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