you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
