I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
