I wish I only lived at night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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