There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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