nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
