I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
