did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
