The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
