She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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